confused

is one of the ways to know its love is by the physical responses I have for this new found friend when in his presence or thinking about him? I do shiver? Get goosebumps? Blush? Sweat? Feel tingly all over? Cry when saying goodbye? Get stomach flip flops or butterflies? Feel like there is a lump in my throat? Can’t stop smiling? Feel warm and fuzzy? All of these physical responses are indicators that I may have found true love, but only when paired up with the other clues in this list. My God, I’m just beginning to know him. Come to think of it, a common friend . It’s just that it’s totally weird. We always send messages through messengers, and texts. We manage to be comfortable to each other through virtual communication. In real, we merely utter maximum of 10 words per encounter. See? I share a lot of me to him, even the most little things that happening in my weird world. He do the same thing. And now I’m getting confused, is he trying to show generic friendliness? or is he using me to get close to one of my friends/team mates? (guys always do this as a way to get close to somebody else) or is he building this friendship for something more for us? I don't want to jump to any conclusion right now. I might misunderstood his messages, what he is trying to show. I might be wrong again. I am damn to afraid to commit same mistake I did before to a guy friend. I know that they are totally different from each other. It’s just that I’m in a hurry that time to know how that guy feels about me. He expresses himself too much for me to expect something more than our friendship. But then, I expected too much and found out that he’s just having fun. What if they are the same? What if this new guy just want to have fun? I’ll be committing a pride-eating moment to fall down on my knees, shouting this f***ing feelings out of me. Or maybe he’s not.

They are really the opposite of each other. This guy’s so sensitive. He says sorry when he needs to. He greets me with good morning as I woke up, cares about me when I’m on travel and says good night when my day ends. He cheers me up with his corny jokes. He even go to my place to tease me with his limited words. Although he’s not my ideal guy, he seems to be the one who makes my gloomy day brighter, makes me smile when I’m totally stressed out of work, makes me comfortably say secrets to him. I remember my deceased loved one from him. They are both weird, silent people who manage to cheer up a groaring-tigress like me. Even if they know that I’m too quite hard to handle, they bend their knees to humble themselves for me. (Sigh..) I’m comparing again. I know they are different and unique from each other. Let’s just say they have similar traits. Yeah, they are unique.

I just hope that this friendship lasts longer. Come what may. I’m used to his presence and can’t afford to woke up a new morning without this someone to paint my first smile for the day. If he feels the same way, it’ll be the one of my happiest day, if not, I will just be contented enough that our friendship works.